Authors note: This was inspired by the #messagetofeminists video challenge started by youtuber ThatGuyT. He was looking for a one line message, so…. oops? #sorrynotsorry. I saw the challenge from Julie Borowski and thoroughly enjoyed her take. 

Stop. Just… stop.

Stop being so loud and angry about the first worldliest of first world problems and then, when called on your terrible behavior you mansplain to me (see what I did there?) that feminism is just about equality. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough.

Stop championing dismembering human beings in the womb (even when it done just because the unborn baby has the misfortune to be a female) and shutting out any would-be supporters of your mission statement.

Stop ignoring (or, dear God trying to embrace) the horrors of China’s one-child policy.

Stop trying to “ban bossy.”

Stop coyly claiming that feminism is “Just about equality!!!” and then turn around and inform me that I have an obligation to see a particular movie if I am to keep the feminist title. And then you wonder why your movement is so maligned. Look, I get it, a lot of people won’t like a movie if it stars women. Guess what? They’re allowed to not like it. Sorry, sugar, if that concept is a little frustrating. You know what else is a little frustrating? Sex-slavery. But by all means, lets continue bemoaning some youtube trolls who won’t see Ghostbusters.

Look, I’m not saying you can’t care about these issues. You’re allowed to be angry that Ghostbusters is being panned by so many people *simply because the leads are female*. If “manspreading” is really that offensive to you take your angry fingers to the nearest keyboard. But you cross the line when you co-opt a movement that is (apparently) supposed to be about men and women having the same rights, and you take your minor irritations and thrust them into the limelight under the guise of being feminist. You are belittling a movement that has the opportunity to make a real difference and you succeed only in making yourself look foolish. And as hilarious as the “I’m With Stupid” shirts can be, I just don’t have any desire to align myself with a movement whose goals are so wildly undefined and can apparently be anything and everything.

The mainstream feminist movement has been taken over (and credits its founding to) those who worship at the altar of choice, pitting mother against child, and selling the lies that in order for women to be equal to men we must sacrifice our children. Frankly I know of no more patriarchal view than the notion that the very thing that sets women up as the pillars of culture, of life, of survival, must be taken from us. Feminism suggests that men are “better” because they are unable to carry children, and that we must match this lest we be left behind. We must strip women of their unique power, feminism says, otherwise the men will win. What a violent and twisted view of the world. The choice of whether or not to have children (whether biologically or through adoption) is an intensely personal one, but abortion isn’t about deciding whether or not to have children- it’s about whether or not to kill the children already there. It is intellectually dishonest to suggest otherwise, and yet the feminist movement gets away with it daily.

There are some groups who are working to combat the nonsense put forward by the mainstream “feminism” movement, and they give me hope that I can one day call myself a feminist. Props to Feminists for Life, my imaginary BFF’s New Wave Feminists(hey, don’t mind me, I’m over here with a massive girl crush but I promise I’m not a stalker!) and Feminists for Non-Violent Choices. But as long as the mainstream view conflates equality with killing human beings, I’ll just keep myself out of that box and kindly explain to anyone who asks that of course I believe women should be equal citizens and as soon as there’s a movement that actually represents that, I’ll be the first to sign up.





  1. Thank you! I’m also harboring a girl crush. 🙂 My strategy is to hang on to the name “feminist,” though, because of its historical (as opposed to contemporary cultural) significance. I think it’s important to insist in the public square that Amanda Marcotte is not the intellectual descendant of Elizabeth Cady Stanton. What do you think?


    • I am all about correcting misconceptions about our feminist foremothers and educating where we can! “Feminist” today is so engrained in the everyday lexicon as pro-abortion that I choose not to identify with the label when I don’t have the opportunity to clarify what that means. I don’t want my voice of “I’m a feminist and here’s what that really means” to get lost. It’s why I love the groups I linked to so much, because they’re fighting to take back the name from what it’s become, but as an individual I fear that identifying with the label will inadvertently grant strength in numbers to those with the loudest voice.

      Not gonna lie, it’s a position I’ve gone back and forth on. So maybe down the road I’ll see an opportunity to reclaim it, or see that my identifying that way now will aid in reclaiming it. It pains me to no end that the Amanda Marcotte’s of the world have a stranglehold on a label that, ironically, should be the most pro-life of all.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it! 🙂


      • That definitely makes sense! I’ve gone back and forth on it too, especially when I realize people assume I’m pro-choice because I called myself a feminist. It’s so frustrating. -_- Thank you for writing this!


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